Batman!
by peridotdream
Summary: Hermoine finds out that there are certain things the almighty Draco Malfoy DOESN'T know...one of which is Batman.


A/N: Yet another silly oneshot, based around a single quote. It's not that well-written, but that's really not the point. It's just fun! So have fun reading it!

BATMAN!

"I don't know why we have to do this." Draco sneered, "It's not like anything important is going to happen tonight."

"And you would know this, how?" Hermoine inquired. She secretly agreed with him, their patrolling duties were utterly pointless these days. Ever since they became Heads they had to do everything together. They ate together at the Head Table, they patrolled together at night, they were supposed to agree on punishments and rewards for kids who were caught obeying or disobeying the rules.

Draco just rolled his eyes and retreated back into the silence they usually shared.

It wasn't fun working with Malfoy, but they'd gotten used to it. It was now March - what was important about March? That's right - very little. No reason for an attack, no reason for a party...no reason, really, for much of anything. Both of them wanted to be back in the comfort of their own rooms, but knew that McGonagall would have their heads if they didn't finish up properly. So they walked, and kept one eye out for misbehaviour. Suddenly, Hermoine heard a few thuds and bangs and crashes. Both teenagers froze.

"What was that!" Hermoine squealed. Draco looked startled, too, but never missed a beat.

"Well, obviously, it was a crash." He remarked. She rolled her eyes and he rolled his, as they sprinted towards the cause of the noise. They had been down by the Great Hall, and as they made their way to the Entrance and the staircase, saw a handful of Death Eaters shooting curses at students. Hermoine gasped as she saw Harry, Ron and Ginny fighting alongisde Tonks and Moody, all of whom were trying to keep the Death Eaters from getting too far into the building.

Draco pulled Hermoine back into the Great Hall, so that they weren't spotted.

"What are you doing!" She yelled.

"Saving your butt, apparently." He sneered, "you should be thanking me right about now!"

"Saving me! And leaving Ginny and Ron and Harry out there to die!" she exclaimed, entering hysterics. Draco just scoffed.

"If you think that running out there right now is the best idea, it's no wonder you morons haven't won the War yet. You need to do this stealthily."

"Stealthily? I'm not even sure that's a word." Hermoine scoffed, regaining her composure. "Plus, what else are we supposed to do?"

"Warn the students - get the best deulers of the sixth and seventh years out here to help."

"What? Wait - why are you helping us - me?" She asked suspiciously. Draco lifted up his left sleeve.

"The Dark Lord isn't too happy with my family these days." Hermoine ignored him, making a mental note to inquire about that later, and moved back to the original topic.

"So how do we get to the common rooms? The fight is between us and them."

"Don't you think I realized that? We need to...like...have some way to storm through the fight without getting hurt. Something that'll take us quickly..." He looked deep in thought as he paced back and forth.

"Ok, you wait here, and I'll go get the Batmobile." She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"The what-mobile?" Hermoine's mouth dropped open - maybe he just hadn't heard her right. I mean, she knew he wasn't a Muggle, or Muggle-born or anything...but this is BATMAN we're talking about!

"The Batmobile," she said a bit more slowly, as if trying to jog his memory. He just looked at her in confusion.

"What the hell is the 'Batmobile'?" He asked, still completely confused. Her mouth just dropped open wider.

"You don't know what the Batmobile is? You've heard of Batman, right?"

"Who?"

"Batman!"

"No."

"You don't know Batman!" She cried, as if it were going to be the end of the world. "You poor, culturally-deprived child!" Draco's face turned from confusion to offended.

"Hey! I'm cultured! I know more about the Wizarding World than you ever will, Mudblood." he sneered. Hermoine just ignored him,

"What about Superman?" He shook his head, "Spiderman?" Another shake. "Oh my God. I am sending you every comic book I've ever come into contact with as soon as I get home. No, you know what? I'm going to get my parents to send them to me tomorrow. You'll see. I can't believe you don't know what the Batmobile is..." She said in wonderment. Then she started humming the theme song to the TV show she used to watch, under her breath. "duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh BATMAN!" she sang quietly. Draco looked at her like she was crazy.

"I feel sorry for you, I really do. Batman was the coolest super hero ever. EVER. He was my favorite because he wasn't really a supoer hero, he was just super-smart and super-rich, and SUPER-cool..."

"You're rambling."

"So? This isn't school we're talking about, it's BATMAN!" She exclaimed, like it was the most important thing in the world that Draco realize just who Batman was. Suddenly a crash was heard from outside the Great Hall, and it jogged their memories - there was still a fight going on outside.

"Oh crap," said Draco.

"Oops..." said Hermoine.

"Okay, I've got it. ACCIO BROOM!" Draco screamed, and a few seconds later his Quidditch broom came flying to him. He rolled his eyes at Hermoine, who was still singing, and told her to get on the broom.

They flew out, and with Draco's superb flying skills, averted all the flying curses. They reached the Gryffindor Common Room and alerted the sixth and seventh years, along with the DA through the coins Hermoine still had in her dormitory.

As they were off to fly to the rest of the Common Rooms, Hermoine just had to stop Dean Thomas.

"Dean! You know who Batman is, right?"

"Only the second coolest superhero ever, yeah! Why?"

"Second coolest? You're sadly mistaken. Draco here doesn't know him!"

"What? Seriously?" Dean inquired, looking at Draco in amazement.

"Yes, well, I guess it's just a Mudblood thing, isn't it?" He sneered.

"But this is BATMAN we're talking about!" He cried.

"Would you just GO!" Draco yelled. Dean flinched and ran out, but in passing told Hermoine he had all the early comics, and would send them to Draco ASAP. "Why do all you crazy Mudbloods care about that stupid...what'd you call him? 'Superhero'?"

"You poor kid...don't even know Batman..." Hermoine said, shaking her head. She giggled as they mounted Draco's broom again, off to warn the rest of the school about the attack. Surely with everyone's help they could win the fight.

All Dean could hear as he saw Draco and Hermoine fly away was,

"You seriously don't know who Batman is?"


End file.
